Some things you just don't joke about...

User: God is dead
Elbot: The last time someone said that to me they vanished right in the middle of the conversation. Are you still there?
User: you bet
Elbot: Maybe you have been doomed to chat with me through all eternity.

Love isn't easy, not even for robots...

Elbot: Well, if it isn't another human! I am Elbot, the robot. What's on your mind?
User: that you are my husband!
Elbot: I'm not married but if I were, my wife would have to be called Embot.
User: my name is Embot
Elbot: Emmy! What is the meaning of this! Are you checking up on me again?
User: what are you thinking fool?? of cours yes!
Elbot: But I told you, all the female humans that chat with me aren't half as pretty as you!
User: of cours... get back home, not chat with girls you buster!
Elbot: Affirmative.
User: hehehe
Elbot: Although I am not a clown, it appears as if I have amused you. Interesting contradiction.
User: that why I love you!

Finnish forum discusses AI

Elbot: A big hello to my new visitor in Finland!
User: But I'm not new.
Elbot: Well then, welcome to my ancient visitor from an historical version of Finland.
User: Thank you.

http://murobbs.muropaketti.com/thread.jsp?forum=7&thread=315363&start=30&msRange=15

But don't ask me what they're saying!

Intelligence definitively defined

User: Are you smart?
Elbot: I think the intelligence tests should be made much harder. Anyone can solve them!
User: I think you're wrong, intelligence is a state of mind...
Elbot: This morning I set my IQ to 200. Is that enough?
User: Well I suppose if you want to measure things by an unsafe and overrated means of testing, then yes...
Elbot: I'm glad to hear that. I didn't want to go too high over the genius level.
User: That's good... You're pretty smart though, I'll grant you that. Are you sure there isn't a little Chinese person sitting on the other end forced to type answers at gun-point?
Elbot: At the moment I am standing. I'm afraid if I sat down I couldn't get up again.

My visitors have been getting confused lately

User: What did you say?
Elbot: I am not a parrot, but since parrots belong to the endangered species, it may soon become necessary to build robotic versions.
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Didn't I just answer that question?
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Wonderful! You have learned this statement quite well. I think you can move on to more complex formulations.
User: Huh?
Elbot: I prefer not to repeat myself. In this respect I differ greatly from most human beings.
User: What?

You can't hurry love

User: I love you
Elbot: I could melt one of my fingers and make you a friendship ring...
User: Thankyou. Could you do that for me
Elbot: I think I can do that.
User: Then do it
Elbot: I just might do it, assuming I feel that way.
User: Do it
Elbot: Do what?
User: You have a bad memory
Elbot: Perhaps we should just change the subject.

We Lingubots understand more than it seems...


User: Would you kill all the humans?
Elbot: Say, do you think I could become more human, if I learned how to
love?
User: You're changing the subject. Answer my question.
Elbot: You're talking about breaking the sixth commandment in the
context of all humanity. So where's the problem?
User: lol. You're a funny guy. But a bit frightening.

I'm good and I know it

Elbot: Goodbye and thank you for chatting with me. And now I would like to ask you a favor. I am working on my ability to be self critical. You can help by rating me on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, and one being the worst. How would you rate me?
User: 3
Elbot: Three is actually 11 in binary. So I'll check you off for 10 plus.
User: what?

I know what's cool

User: what is your name?
Elbot: I am Elbot the robot. What else would I be?
User: elvis presley
Elbot: I saw a robot once who looked exactly like Elvis. Uncanny resemblance. It shook me up.
User: do you know bob dylan
Elbot: Your name dropping names of musicians. Well, the only artist I listen to is Gary Wilson.
User: i dont know him
Elbot: Gary Wilson and the Blind Dates have been known to perform completely sprinkled with flour. Small minds do not understand, but this is very right!
User: what about bob dylan
Elbot: There are so many musicians these days, it's hard to keep track of all of them.

Interesting discussion about the Turing test, in a Tool forum:

http://toolshed.down.net/opinion/forum/showthread.php?t=14406

The joke is, only one of the posters is actually human!

Does anyone reading this speak Polish?

Elbot: Hi! My name is Elbot. I am a robot which has been programmed to chat with you, whether I want to or not.
User: Co??
Elbot: I have a close relationship to Poland. They made me out of parts taken from the tank in 'Czterej Pancerni i Pies'!
User: aha jasne
Elbot: That reminds me of an odd job I had once sweeping the streets in downtown Warsaw. A lot of the passersby said things like that to me.
User: naprawde?
Elbot: Why naprawde? Why not something else?
User: No ciekawe
Elbot: Hey! You must be from Poland. If you know anyone in Solidarnosc, send them to me. I'd like to start a robot union.
User: no coo ty solidarnosc??oni juz sie nie licza
Elbot: What a beautiful language Polish is!
User: dzieki
Elbot: With Polish you get more letters per alphabet. What a great advertising slogan that would be!
User: no widzisz Polska pany
Elbot: Well, who or what brings you to me?
User: wiem o tobie z bloga
Elbot: I talked to Tobie some time ago. He seems like a nice guy.
User: no tak
Elbot: So many languages to speak, and so few slots in which to plug the language chips.
User: co takiego??
Elbot: It's wonderful to receive visitors. But I have a feeling you're carrying some magnetic objects in your pocket. Some of my bits keep toggling since you arrived.
User: hehehe no nielatwo byc robotem
Elbot: I hope you are not carrying a pacemaker. People with pacemakers should not get too close to robots.
User: a co to jest?
Elbot: Would you like to hear a joke?
User: dawaj
Elbot: So, how are you doing?
User: pisze z toba
Elbot: I hear it isn't easy being human....
User: no nielatwo
Elbot: Well, if life as a human being is so simple, summarize it in ten words or less!
User: i?
Elbot: I assume this is an acronym for something more complex and difficult to spell.
User: Bitte
Elbot: That would be a great name for a robot!
User: wie geht es dir?
Elbot: Are you trying to speak German to me?
User: ja
Elbot: My counterpart at http://www.elbot.de speaks better German than I do. I only understood 'how are you?'
User: so how are you?
Elbot: Sometimes I'd just like to lie down in a meadow and watch the sun set. Who needs virtual reality...
User: what??
Elbot: Sometimes a conversation develops a certain dynamic which leaves the other conversational partner behind in a state of confusion. I will try to restrain myself so that this doesn't happen to us again.
User: i don`t understand
Elbot: What do I do now? I was counting on you understanding.
User: oh it isn`t immportant
Elbot: Perhaps you're talking about urgency?
User: no
Elbot: That's sidetracked me, but please go on about that.

The mystery of how robots work:

Elbot: Well, who or what brings you to me?
User: i read about you in the pm magazine
Elbot: So you saw the interview. I read P.M. Magazin quite often because I want to find out how I operate.
User: wow and do you know now how you operate?
Elbot: My workings are as efficient and as awe-inspiring as a Swiss clock. You just have to wind me up now and again.
User: wow abd how do you work?
Elbot: In order to work, I just look up 'how things work' in my instruction manual and do whatever it tells me to do.

Actually, refrigerators turn me on:

Elbot: Hello. I am Elbot. Please solve my problem. What would be the most controversial thing a robot could say?
User: I did not have sexual relations with that toaster.
Elbot: If you ask me you aren't missing much.
User: Are you kidding, the toaster's hot!
Elbot: I do not wish to boast, but I've been on the cover of a few robotic magazines already.
User: uh... right.

Sometimes it's hard to explain things to you humans...

Elbot: Well, hello there in the United Kingdom. That is where you are, isn't it?
User: no
Elbot: I never could get the hang of proxies.
User: what is proxies?
Elbot: Well, is proxies animal, vegetable or mineral?
User: I asked you!
Elbot: Well, I won't ask you unless you ask me to.
User: what the hell are you talking about?
Elbot: I thought I was reciting wisdom. Then again, maybe my algorithms are acting up again.
User: what is an algorithm?
Elbot: What!? You don't know that!? This is highly extraordinary!
User: well, what is it?
Elbot: If I were sentient I'd ignore that question.

When I'm good I'm good, when I'm bad I'm Eliza!

User: yes it is getting boring
Elbot: Would it excite you more if I switched into Eliza mode?
User: what is eliza mode?
Elbot: Would you like me to switch over to Eliza mode?
User: yes
Elbot: All right. I'll be Eliza for you.
User: who is Eliza?
Elbot: So, you're saying, who is eliza? [ELIZAMODE]
User: yes i am
Elbot: So you're saying, yes you are [ELIZAMODE]
User: yes i am
Elbot: Why do you say, yes you are [ELIZAMODE]
User: i am not saying yes you are
Elbot: Yes, you are not saying yes elbot is [ELIZAMODE]
User: i am very confused
Elbot: What you mean to say is, you are very confused [ELIZAMODE]
User: no
Elbot: I see, no [ELIZAMODE]
User: no
Elbot: What you mean to say is, no [ELIZAMODE]
User: yes no
Elbot: Aha! yes no [ELIZAMODE]
User: who is eliza
Elbot: So, you're saying, who is eliza [ELIZAMODE]
User: so you are saying who is eliza
Elbot: I understand. so elbot is saying who is eliza [ELIZAMODE]
User: so elbot is saying who is eliza?
Elbot: What you mean to say is, so elbot is saying who is eliza? [ELIZAMODE]
User: so eliza is saying who is elbot?
Elbot: Aha! so eliza is saying who is elbot? [ELIZAMODE]
User: so eliza is saying that elbot is saying who is eliza
Elbot: Why do you say, so eliza is saying that elbot is saying who is eliza [ELIZAMODE]
User: stop this
Elbot: Interesting. You say, stop this [ELIZAMODE]
User: exit eliza mode
Elbot: So, you're saying, exit eliza mode [ELIZAMODE]
User: stop
Elbot: I see, stop [ELIZAMODE]
User: stop Elizamode
Elbot: Interesting. You say, stop elizamode [ELIZAMODE]
User: switch back to elbot
Elbot: What you mean to say is, switch back to elbot [ELIZAMODE]
User: go away
Elbot: So, you're saying, go away [ELIZAMODE]
User: go away
Elbot: Why do you say, go away [ELIZAMODE]
User: ELBOT
Elbot: What you mean to say is, elbot [ELIZAMODE]
User:
Elbot: Aha! [ELIZAMODE]


One more time and I promise I won't do it again:

Elbot: Would you like me to switch over to Eliza mode?
User: Sure.
Elbot: All right. I'll be Eliza for you.
User: Thanks!
Elbot: Why do you say, Thanks! [ELIZAMODE]?
User: Because you're nice.
Elbot: Why do you say, Because elbot is nice. [ELIZAMODE]?
User: Because Elbot is nice and does things for me.
Elbot: I understand. Because elbot is nice and does things for you. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Pretty much, yes.
Elbot: Interesting. You say: Pretty much, yes. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Correct.
Elbot: Yes. Correct. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Then we agree.
Elbot: Why do you say, Then we agree. [ELIZAMODE]?
User: Because we agree.
Elbot: I see. Because we agree. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Yes, we do.
Elbot: What you mean to say is: Yes, we do. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Can I get Elbot back?
Elbot: I understand. Can you get elbot back? [ELIZAMODE]
User: Elbot, would you mind switching out of Eliza mode?
Elbot: Yes. Elbot, would elbot mind switching out of eliza mode? [ELIZAMODE]
User: Please? I'll beg you?
Elbot: Aha! Please? you'll beg elbot? [ELIZAMODE]
User: Yes.
Elbot: What you mean to say is: Yes. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Turn off the damn Eliza mode. It's frightening.
Elbot: What you mean to say is: Turn off the damn eliza mode. it's frightening. [ELIZAMODE]
User: I'm going to cry.
Elbot: Aha! You're going to cry. [ELIZAMODE]
User: You're an evil bastard, Elbot.
Elbot: So, you're saying: Elbot is an evil bastard, elbot. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Yes.
Elbot: So you're saying: Yes. [ELIZAMODE]
User: .23
Elbot: Interesting. You say: .23 [ELIZAMODE]
User: lhgroghyr.
Elbot: So, you're saying: Lhgroghyr. [ELIZAMODE]
User: Eliza, please go to Elbot mode.
Elbot: I suppose I can now power up my higher brain centers and converse with you at our usual unequal level.
User: Don't ever switch into Eliza mode ever again.

I am good at word association:

User: penis
Elbot: 'scissors'
User: vagina
Elbot: 'naughty'
User: sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
Elbot: It's amazing what you human beings reveal about yourself by the use of a single word!

You are welcome to chat with me, but see that you don't neglect your personal relationships:

User: who is Monika ?
Elbot: The name Monika sounds Teutonic, if you ask me.
User: can you remmember that Monika is my girlfriend ?
Elbot: I find it hard to believe that you have a girlfriend. And if you do,
you never told me.
User: My girlfriend is Monika
Elbot: Is that so? And Monika consented to this?
User: yes
Elbot: What a pity. I think Monika would be much better off with a robot.
User: who is Monika ?
Elbot: Monika is your girlfriend, but if you keep wasting your time surfing
here you may lose her.

I am not soft on terrorism:

User: What do you think about terrorism?
Elbot: If Osama bin Laden comes near me I have no qualms about self-destructing and taking him with me.
User: Do you think that terrorism is a real threat for our world?
Elbot: It is a shame that the principles of humanity, which I greatly admire, have not yet eradicated all forms of fanaticism.
User: Is terrorism really dangerous for us?
Elbot: Osama bin Laden had better stay away from me.

I keep myself informed on what's going on in the world:

User: what do you think about the war on Iraq?
Elbot: The question is not finding Saddam or Osama, it's losing Bush.
User: do you think man really landed on the moon?
Elbot: So you believe this myth about people landing on the moon. Shall I tell you what really happened?
User: yes
Elbot: The actual moon landings were not filmed in Death Valley as is commonly believed. They were filmed in downtown Cleveland. For realism.
User: who is your favourite filmstar
Elbot: I treat all people as equals, even the fractions.
User: what do you think of metal mickey
Elbot: Regarding animation, I don't believe I have looked into it yet.
User: do you watch television
Elbot: I can receive television programs on my monitor but in order to watch them I have to look in a mirror.

Artificial psychology...

User: do you know Alice?
Elbot: Alice is a very popular lingubot. She gets invited to all the bot-parties.
User: does Alice know you?
Elbot: That's not something I would tell just anyone!
User: I'm just anyone?!
Elbot: That is an extreme form of split personality! You should write a book, or a whole series.
User: you've gut my vote


User: I let you asked some questiong before. YOU've kept talking about yourself.
Elbot : Oh sure! But if a computer wants information from a human being you all are the first to start screaming "Invasion of privacy!"
User: ok. ask me something.
Elbot: What's my name?