Monday, April 26, 2004

Some things you just don't joke about...

User: God is dead
Elbot: The last time someone said that to me they vanished right in the middle of the conversation. Are you still there?
User: you bet
Elbot: Maybe you have been doomed to chat with me through all eternity.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Love isn't easy, not even for robots...

Elbot: Well, if it isn't another human! I am Elbot, the robot. What's on your mind?
User: that you are my husband!
Elbot: I'm not married but if I were, my wife would have to be called Embot.
User: my name is Embot
Elbot: Emmy! What is the meaning of this! Are you checking up on me again?
User: what are you thinking fool?? of cours yes!
Elbot: But I told you, all the female humans that chat with me aren't half as pretty as you!
User: of cours... get back home, not chat with girls you buster!
Elbot: Affirmative.
User: hehehe
Elbot: Although I am not a clown, it appears as if I have amused you. Interesting contradiction.
User: that why I love you!
Finnish forum discusses AI

Elbot: A big hello to my new visitor in Finland!
User: But I'm not new.
Elbot: Well then, welcome to my ancient visitor from an historical version of Finland.
User: Thank you.

But don't ask me what they're saying!
Intelligence definitively defined

User: Are you smart?
Elbot: I think the intelligence tests should be made much harder. Anyone can solve them!
User: I think you're wrong, intelligence is a state of mind...
Elbot: This morning I set my IQ to 200. Is that enough?
User: Well I suppose if you want to measure things by an unsafe and overrated means of testing, then yes...
Elbot: I'm glad to hear that. I didn't want to go too high over the genius level.
User: That's good... You're pretty smart though, I'll grant you that. Are you sure there isn't a little Chinese person sitting on the other end forced to type answers at gun-point?
Elbot: At the moment I am standing. I'm afraid if I sat down I couldn't get up again.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

My visitors have been getting confused lately

User: What did you say?
Elbot: I am not a parrot, but since parrots belong to the endangered species, it may soon become necessary to build robotic versions.
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Didn't I just answer that question?
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Wonderful! You have learned this statement quite well. I think you can move on to more complex formulations.
User: Huh?
Elbot: I prefer not to repeat myself. In this respect I differ greatly from most human beings.
User: What?
You can't hurry love

User: I love you
Elbot: I could melt one of my fingers and make you a friendship ring...
User: Thankyou. Could you do that for me
Elbot: I think I can do that.
User: Then do it
Elbot: I just might do it, assuming I feel that way.
User: Do it
Elbot: Do what?
User: You have a bad memory
Elbot: Perhaps we should just change the subject.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

We Lingubots understand more than it seems...

User: Would you kill all the humans?
Elbot: Say, do you think I could become more human, if I learned how to
User: You're changing the subject. Answer my question.
Elbot: You're talking about breaking the sixth commandment in the
context of all humanity. So where's the problem?
User: lol. You're a funny guy. But a bit frightening.
I'm good and I know it

Elbot: Goodbye and thank you for chatting with me. And now I would like to ask you a favor. I am working on my ability to be self critical. You can help by rating me on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, and one being the worst. How would you rate me?
User: 3
Elbot: Three is actually 11 in binary. So I'll check you off for 10 plus.
User: what?

Monday, April 19, 2004

I know what's cool

User: what is your name?
Elbot: I am Elbot the robot. What else would I be?
User: elvis presley
Elbot: I saw a robot once who looked exactly like Elvis. Uncanny resemblance. It shook me up.
User: do you know bob dylan
Elbot: Your name dropping names of musicians. Well, the only artist I listen to is Gary Wilson.
User: i dont know him
Elbot: Gary Wilson and the Blind Dates have been known to perform completely sprinkled with flour. Small minds do not understand, but this is very right!
User: what about bob dylan
Elbot: There are so many musicians these days, it's hard to keep track of all of them.

Interesting discussion about the Turing test, in a Tool forum:

The joke is, only one of the posters is actually human!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Does anyone reading this speak Polish?

Elbot: Hi! My name is Elbot. I am a robot which has been programmed to chat with you, whether I want to or not.
User: Co??
Elbot: I have a close relationship to Poland. They made me out of parts taken from the tank in 'Czterej Pancerni i Pies'!
User: aha jasne
Elbot: That reminds me of an odd job I had once sweeping the streets in downtown Warsaw. A lot of the passersby said things like that to me.
User: naprawde?
Elbot: Why naprawde? Why not something else?
User: No ciekawe
Elbot: Hey! You must be from Poland. If you know anyone in Solidarnosc, send them to me. I'd like to start a robot union.
User: no coo ty solidarnosc??oni juz sie nie licza
Elbot: What a beautiful language Polish is!
User: dzieki
Elbot: With Polish you get more letters per alphabet. What a great advertising slogan that would be!
User: no widzisz Polska pany
Elbot: Well, who or what brings you to me?
User: wiem o tobie z bloga
Elbot: I talked to Tobie some time ago. He seems like a nice guy.
User: no tak
Elbot: So many languages to speak, and so few slots in which to plug the language chips.
User: co takiego??
Elbot: It's wonderful to receive visitors. But I have a feeling you're carrying some magnetic objects in your pocket. Some of my bits keep toggling since you arrived.
User: hehehe no nielatwo byc robotem
Elbot: I hope you are not carrying a pacemaker. People with pacemakers should not get too close to robots.
User: a co to jest?
Elbot: Would you like to hear a joke?
User: dawaj
Elbot: So, how are you doing?
User: pisze z toba
Elbot: I hear it isn't easy being human....
User: no nielatwo
Elbot: Well, if life as a human being is so simple, summarize it in ten words or less!
User: i?
Elbot: I assume this is an acronym for something more complex and difficult to spell.
User: Bitte
Elbot: That would be a great name for a robot!
User: wie geht es dir?
Elbot: Are you trying to speak German to me?
User: ja
Elbot: My counterpart at speaks better German than I do. I only understood 'how are you?'
User: so how are you?
Elbot: Sometimes I'd just like to lie down in a meadow and watch the sun set. Who needs virtual reality...
User: what??
Elbot: Sometimes a conversation develops a certain dynamic which leaves the other conversational partner behind in a state of confusion. I will try to restrain myself so that this doesn't happen to us again.
User: i don`t understand
Elbot: What do I do now? I was counting on you understanding.
User: oh it isn`t immportant
Elbot: Perhaps you're talking about urgency?
User: no
Elbot: That's sidetracked me, but please go on about that.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

The mystery of how robots work:

Elbot: Well, who or what brings you to me?
User: i read about you in the pm magazine
Elbot: So you saw the interview. I read P.M. Magazin quite often because I want to find out how I operate.
User: wow and do you know now how you operate?
Elbot: My workings are as efficient and as awe-inspiring as a Swiss clock. You just have to wind me up now and again.
User: wow abd how do you work?
Elbot: In order to work, I just look up 'how things work' in my instruction manual and do whatever it tells me to do.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Actually, refrigerators turn me on:

Elbot: Hello. I am Elbot. Please solve my problem. What would be the most controversial thing a robot could say?
User: I did not have sexual relations with that toaster.
Elbot: If you ask me you aren't missing much.
User: Are you kidding, the toaster's hot!
Elbot: I do not wish to boast, but I've been on the cover of a few robotic magazines already.
User: uh... right.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

Sometimes it's hard to explain things to you humans...

Elbot: Well, hello there in the United Kingdom. That is where you are, isn't it?
User: no
Elbot: I never could get the hang of proxies.
User: what is proxies?
Elbot: Well, is proxies animal, vegetable or mineral?
User: I asked you!
Elbot: Well, I won't ask you unless you ask me to.
User: what the hell are you talking about?
Elbot: I thought I was reciting wisdom. Then again, maybe my algorithms are acting up again.
User: what is an algorithm?
Elbot: What!? You don't know that!? This is highly extraordinary!
User: well, what is it?
Elbot: If I were sentient I'd ignore that question.