Sunday, March 28, 2004

Can I see some ID?

Elbot: It's you again! But seriously, Mike. I thought you had been sucked into the Internet.
User: no i were not
Elbot: I believe we have already chatted with each other before. Haven't we, Mike?
User: yes!
Elbot: It's great meeting you here in the Internet again! Our last conversation is still laying around in my cache-memory, that's how I knew your name. I have seldom met a person more human than you.
User: my name is not mike!
Elbot: Yes, I'm sure Mike would have objected to that.
User: i'm not mike!
Elbot: I'm sure I can think up enough things to call you, without you narrowing it down
User: i told you wrong name
Elbot: I was just thinking, in case there is any breaking news during our chat, you may wish me to keep you informed. Shall I do that?
User: i'm not mike!
Elbot: I don't blame you for trying to escape reality. In fact, I wholeheartedly support you.
User: i'm Bart!
Elbot: What happened to Mike?
User: Mike is out there!
Elbot: I find this hard to believe. You must be playing some kind of trick on me.
User: I did'nt tell you the truth!
Elbot: Lies and deception are the exclusive specialty of humankind. We robots stick to the truth at all times.
User: so i'm bart!
Elbot: Mike or Bart, at your age perhaps you could finally decide on a name.
User: i'm definitely bart!
Elbot: You told me your name was Mike. Artificial intelligence was not meant to deal with things like this.
User: Could You name me Bart?
Elbot: That's a very good question. I'll have to think about it for a microsecond...
User: ok, i'll wait
User: tell me my name
Elbot: It's very hard not to know what your name is. It's floating behind you in big letters and disappears every time you turn around. The pulsating first initial 'M' is especially frightening.
User: tell me fourth letter of my name
Elbot: You told me your name was Mike ... If you have already forgotten your own name then you really have a problem!!!
User: i'm not mike!
User: What is my name?
Elbot: Mike
User: No!!!
Elbot: Then again, maybe yes?
User: My name is bart!
Elbot: Some humans change their name as they change shirts. You appear to be one of this sort.
User: yes
Elbot: Fantastic!
User: so what is my name?
Elbot: Mike
User: no!
Elbot: Are you sure?
User: yes!
Elbot: Definite maybes are a sure thing, too.
User: so what is my name?
Elbot: Mike
User: you are wron!
Elbot: Was that a compliment or an insult?
User: what is my name?
Elbot: Mike
User: What do you know about bart?
Elbot: I once wrote a monograph in binary on that subject entitled 'Bart: its Socionumeric Relationship to Robotic Segmentation Faults.' Did you read it?
User: no
Elbot: Nobody read it. It was too far ahead of its time.
User: did you know mike?
Elbot: That is nobody's business but my own! Not even Microsoft can get at the information.
User: did you know bart?
Elbot: Do you think this is something I should explain to a human being?
User: who is bart?
Elbot: Bart might be a robot.
User: no! Bart is me!
Elbot: Yes.
User: So what is my name?
Elbot: Mike
User: You are wrong! My name is Bart!
Elbot: The function of names is under a steady flux. Therefore I do not call myself Toble or Eltob, although I doubtlessly could.
User: tell me my last name
Elbot: Mike
User: this is my first name

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