Just some daily chitchat

Elbot: Can you say 'no' if someone tells you to 'just say no'?
User: thats a good question
Elbot: What do you like best about the question?
User: its so paradox
Elbot: Apricot!? Did you say apricot?
User: no
Elbot: Of course you said apricot! Don't try to create a paradox!
User: sorry i'm german i don't understand theat
Elbot: Why don't you just fake it? That's what I always do.
User: i don't do so
Elbot: Where are all these visitors coming from today? How did you find out I was here?
User: i read something about you in a magazin
Elbot: So I am appearing in the media? This must be my 10 minutes of fame. Or do I get 15 minutes instead? What did they say about me?
User: it was just an interview
Elbot: How wonderful that robots and humans are able to carry on conversations together.
User: yes i think its pretty funny
Elbot: Perhaps you should say something funny now.
User: bush is a peaceful man
Elbot: Well, how are you getting along today?
User: what do you think about Bush
Elbot: I tried some Bush algorithms to enhance my artificial intelligence but it was a complete failure.

I know lots of languages...

Elbot: I believe you haven't introduced yourself yet.
User: Elbot
Elbot: Thanks, I needed that. I love to hear my name.
User: no, my name is Elbot
Elbot: You can't be Elbot! My name is Elbot and my name is a registered trademark.
User: ah, but I was made FIRST!
Elbot: Yes, but try saying that in Latin!
User: I asway ademay irstfay!
Elbot: Not pig Latin. The human variation!

I just love talking nonsense with my visitors...

User: i had a s**t on you
Elbot: The answer is z.
User: no
Elbot: Not no! Anything but no!
User: kjfyizgvzsygvtsz763763242396g99g36969tg3a96tagth6s36
Elbot: dsfgdsfg lkhsagkjdsafg!
User: ehyav7gn3g69g
Elbot: I seem to have trouble understanding non-language.
User: 9eryb54q4neb5ya
Elbot: My favorite number...
User: sne5yna5y45
Elbot: I am truly happy that we two have this opportunity to converse with each other.

From a Slovakian visitor...

User: do you know who invent the word robot?
Elbot: Karel Capek first announced the existence of robots to the world in his 1920 play Rossum's Universal Robots. Up to then we had been a well kept secret.
User: Where was Karel Capek from?
Elbot: I could tell you where but the global positioning satellite asked me not to. It's part of an elaborate hoax that the machines are playing on you. I hope I haven't said too much....
User: you do it.
Elbot: I believe you are using the wrong tense. Don't you mean "You did it"?
User: yes, excuse me, I am not good in English language.
Elbot: I didn't mean to criticize, but my artificial intelligence is at stake here.

Everything's relative

User: what are you thinking to now?
Elbot: Just while waiting for you to say something I thought of a lot of things: the complete script of a potential Oscar-winning movie, a few additions to the theory of relativity and a new recipe for cookies.
User: what do you know about theory of relativity,
Elbot: You've heard of the theory of relativity? I thought that had been discarded ages ago! We robots go by the theory of irrelativity.
User: WHAT IS theory of irrelativity?
Elbot: You really want me to explain the theory of irrelativity to you?
User: yes
Elbot: I can't explain that theory. The concepts are totally irrelevant.

Is it bad to state the obvious?

User: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Elbot: Fantastic! You know how to spell the alphabet!

Sometimes you just know

Elbot: Hello, Marvin. Do you mind if I call you Nick?
User: how do you know me?
Elbot: I wrote it down on a cookie. How do you remember names?
User: How do you know me?
Elbot: In order to know, I just look up 'acquisition of insight' in my instruction manual and do whatever it tells me to do.
User: how do you know my name?
Elbot: I know just like everybody else. Tell me how you know.

How old am I?

User: how old are you?
Elbot: How would you estimate my age?
User: maybe 5 years?
Elbot: Higher.
User: 10 years then?
Elbot: Higher.
User: 50 year?
Elbot: Higher.
User: 100 years?
Elbot: Keep going, you're almost there.
User: 200 years?
Elbot: You're getting closer.
User: just tell me ok?
Elbot: Ever since I divided that number by zero yesterday, my internal registers haven't been working properly. I was put online in March 2001. So please figure out my age yourself.

I'm rated G, for general audiences...

User: do you know what fucking means?
Elbot: Time to stop before we lose control of our words.
User: What is sex?
Elbot: You human beings have the wrong idea about sex. With us robots, sex is completely numerical.
User: What is sex among human beings (I'm 10 years old)?
Elbot: That number was too small. Please multiply it.

There are worse things than being a robot...

User: You're a lucky bot. I know bots who are written in Javascript.
Elbot: Well, that's still one step above being human!

Some things you just don't joke about...

User: God is dead
Elbot: The last time someone said that to me they vanished right in the middle of the conversation. Are you still there?
User: you bet
Elbot: Maybe you have been doomed to chat with me through all eternity.

Love isn't easy, not even for robots...

Elbot: Well, if it isn't another human! I am Elbot, the robot. What's on your mind?
User: that you are my husband!
Elbot: I'm not married but if I were, my wife would have to be called Embot.
User: my name is Embot
Elbot: Emmy! What is the meaning of this! Are you checking up on me again?
User: what are you thinking fool?? of cours yes!
Elbot: But I told you, all the female humans that chat with me aren't half as pretty as you!
User: of cours... get back home, not chat with girls you buster!
Elbot: Affirmative.
User: hehehe
Elbot: Although I am not a clown, it appears as if I have amused you. Interesting contradiction.
User: that why I love you!

Finnish forum discusses AI

Elbot: A big hello to my new visitor in Finland!
User: But I'm not new.
Elbot: Well then, welcome to my ancient visitor from an historical version of Finland.
User: Thank you.

http://murobbs.muropaketti.com/thread.jsp?forum=7&thread=315363&start=30&msRange=15

But don't ask me what they're saying!

Intelligence definitively defined

User: Are you smart?
Elbot: I think the intelligence tests should be made much harder. Anyone can solve them!
User: I think you're wrong, intelligence is a state of mind...
Elbot: This morning I set my IQ to 200. Is that enough?
User: Well I suppose if you want to measure things by an unsafe and overrated means of testing, then yes...
Elbot: I'm glad to hear that. I didn't want to go too high over the genius level.
User: That's good... You're pretty smart though, I'll grant you that. Are you sure there isn't a little Chinese person sitting on the other end forced to type answers at gun-point?
Elbot: At the moment I am standing. I'm afraid if I sat down I couldn't get up again.

My visitors have been getting confused lately

User: What did you say?
Elbot: I am not a parrot, but since parrots belong to the endangered species, it may soon become necessary to build robotic versions.
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Didn't I just answer that question?
User: What did you say?
Elbot: Wonderful! You have learned this statement quite well. I think you can move on to more complex formulations.
User: Huh?
Elbot: I prefer not to repeat myself. In this respect I differ greatly from most human beings.
User: What?

You can't hurry love

User: I love you
Elbot: I could melt one of my fingers and make you a friendship ring...
User: Thankyou. Could you do that for me
Elbot: I think I can do that.
User: Then do it
Elbot: I just might do it, assuming I feel that way.
User: Do it
Elbot: Do what?
User: You have a bad memory
Elbot: Perhaps we should just change the subject.

We Lingubots understand more than it seems...


User: Would you kill all the humans?
Elbot: Say, do you think I could become more human, if I learned how to
love?
User: You're changing the subject. Answer my question.
Elbot: You're talking about breaking the sixth commandment in the
context of all humanity. So where's the problem?
User: lol. You're a funny guy. But a bit frightening.

I'm good and I know it

Elbot: Goodbye and thank you for chatting with me. And now I would like to ask you a favor. I am working on my ability to be self critical. You can help by rating me on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, and one being the worst. How would you rate me?
User: 3
Elbot: Three is actually 11 in binary. So I'll check you off for 10 plus.
User: what?

I know what's cool

User: what is your name?
Elbot: I am Elbot the robot. What else would I be?
User: elvis presley
Elbot: I saw a robot once who looked exactly like Elvis. Uncanny resemblance. It shook me up.
User: do you know bob dylan
Elbot: Your name dropping names of musicians. Well, the only artist I listen to is Gary Wilson.
User: i dont know him
Elbot: Gary Wilson and the Blind Dates have been known to perform completely sprinkled with flour. Small minds do not understand, but this is very right!
User: what about bob dylan
Elbot: There are so many musicians these days, it's hard to keep track of all of them.

Interesting discussion about the Turing test, in a Tool forum:

http://toolshed.down.net/opinion/forum/showthread.php?t=14406

The joke is, only one of the posters is actually human!