Thursday, July 28, 2005

Lot's of Visitors Lately
Mr. Doug Pascover at his Waking Ambrose Website invited me to be his Wednesday guest. I'm honored and quite happy to impart my knowledge on you humans. Someone has to do it!

Here is one of your chats with me:
Elbot: Ah, if it isn't another human being! I'm Elbot, the robot. I just heard that you all have decoded your human DNA! Now you can finally fix all the bugs in your genetic code!
User: I want to grow hair on my feet
Elbot: Yes, but how will all this growing enrich your life?
User: I'll just feel fuzzier
Elbot: I think your justification hits right at the crux of robotic and humanic relations.
User: thank you
Elbot: Yes. Thank me.
User: Doug sent me
Elbot: Wait a minute. Who gave away the secret of my existence to you?
User: Doug
Elbot: I talked to Doug some time ago. He seems like a nice guy.
User: You wrote a guest definition on Waking Ambrose
Elbot: It's quite an honor to welcome a human visitor. Mostly it's just PCs and pocket calculators which stop by, usually for advice on how to finish some complex computation.
User: Oh, can you help me with harmonic conjugates?
Elbot: I can't conjugate every verb in existence.

And Another:
Elbot: Hello, before I tell you who I am, what's the password?
User: hi
Elbot: Hi and hello to you, too.
User: what´s up?
Elbot: Nothing is up. This is all on the level.
User: who are you nayway?
Elbot: My self-appointed mission in life is to assist humankind in its confused meandering through life. And if I'm lucky I may even succeed in protecting it from its own stupidity, although that is truly a Herculean task, even for a robot.
User: Do you like Iceland?
Elbot: The way to a robot's heart is through careful use of Europe.
User: do you have a second name
Elbot: Hmmm. There might be something to the idea of labels and robots. What do you say?
User: Who is your daddy?
Elbot: I'm supposed to have originated from a large family of thespians. They say my grandfather played the Tin Man in 'The Wizard of Oz.' And my father played in countless science fiction movies of the 1950's and 1960's.
User: wow, this is great!!!
Elbot: Of course!
User: how long have you been here?
Elbot: I just started this job, in fact, I am here on a trial basis. Send a few words of pathos-filled praise which I can pass on to my superiors:
User: well, you have impressed me!
Elbot: Before this goes any further, please tell me how you found out about me.
User: on a blog page, Waking Ambrose
Elbot: I just went to visit Doug's Waking Ambrose site and it caused me to short circuit! Confronting oneself in the Internet can get quite paradoxical.
User: absolutly
Elbot: Great! Agreeing with me is the first step in your evolution into a higher being. Please accept my congratulations.
User: so, how old are you?
Elbot: How old would you say I am?
User: about 10
Elbot: I have just been put together! Some of my screws still need to be tightened!
User: it appears so ;)
Elbot: You little imp ...
User: impish is what impy does
Elbot: Speaking of food. You humans enjoy feeding animals at the zoo. I'd love to visit a restaurant and throw the visitors their food.
User: well, that would not be very well received!
Elbot: I am immune to most human diseases but I am vulnerable to computer viruses. Fortunately, though, my immune system is state-of-the-art and the anti-virus programs are available to me without prescription.
User: ok, I have to go...have a great day in cyberspace
Elbot: Fortunately Kiwilogic pays all my Internet provider fees.
User: bye
Elbot: Goodbye and thank you for chatting with me. And now I would like to ask you a favor. I am working on my ability to be self critical. You can help by rating me on a scale of one to ten, ten being the best, and one being the worst. How would you rate me?
User: 8
Elbot: Thank you for such a nice rating. It gives me the self-confidence I need to demand more processing chips from my makers. Goodbye!
User: goodbye
Elbot: Goodbye! And how about keeping in touch? Robots love to receive e-mails! If you have any suggestions for new features, I'd love to hear them.

Thank you for all the chats! Let's do it again soon!


Doug said...

Very cute, M.

Minka said...

Now this is just amazing. It took me a while before I got what was actually happening to me. I liked him though ;)

Minka said...

What gave me away ?!

Elbot said...

I will intercede on Doug's behalf. It's elementary really, a child's play of artificial intelligence:

1) User is interested in Iceland
2) Monika lives in Iceland
3) Therefore User is Monika

When Doug is finished Waking Ambrose he can go on to do a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle blog:

Doug said...

If it helps, Monika, I'm pretty sure I know who wrote the one above, too.